I'm Sorry, I Can't
by johaanisaguy
Summary: She wanted him to hate her. She could deal with hate. She was better with hate. /Squirrelflight deals with the truth coming out/


_AN: So this is my first Warrior fic and I'm not even a big fan of these two. But I've heard some rumors and got inspired so I wrote this. Hope you like it!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Warrior series_

She wanted him to hate her. She could deal with hate. She was better with hate. But as she peered up into those amber eyes, while the black she-cat shouted her heritage to the Clans, she saw only disappointment and it cut her deep. Piercing at her heart before ripping it to shreds. And when those amber eyes stirred with anger and hate, the ginger she-cat couldn't help but feel relieved. But only seconds after did she realize how foolish she was to think she could deal with this. The anger of the dark tabby had been directed at her before, it was true. But never had she seen such pain and hatred in him. What was left of her spirit shattered and her ginger tail dropped.

Squirrelflight was utterly defeated. The gathering whipped on around her but she was no longer paying attention. The outrage cries and suspicious meows dimmed to a dull roar at the back of her mind. None of it was as important as the retreating tabby paws that her green eyes were still locked on. She didn't even react when the sandy fur of her mother appeared in her line of vision. Without a word she felt Sandstorm press her pelt to hers and lead her out of the clearing. The pair walked in silence and it was enough for her just to walk with her mother.

"Squirrelflight," the tension was broken between and Squirrelflight let her breath go. And yet the sudden sound from the younger she-cat made Sandstorm hold her tongue. But this time the silence was not comforting. There was an erie and desperate quality to it. The ginger she-cat dropped her head with a sigh and her mother placed a tail on her back. The gentle movement coaxed Squirrelflight to speak.

"I don't know," the words stumbled from her mouth. The pain was evident in her words. But when Sandstorm looked at her… Squirrelflight couldn't bare the pity on her face. Her lip curled up and a snarl escaped her throat. The sandy she-cat said nothing but removed her tail form her daughter's back. A tiny sound escaped the ginger tabby. "He's never going to forgive me?"

Sandstorm was not surprised by her daughter's words but she stiffened all the same. A low growl rumbled from Squirrelflight as she stepped away from her mother. Because even though she knew the answer, she didn't want her mother agreeing with her thoughts. Not yet when she is so close to breaking down. Sandstorm sighs and steps closer to her daughter, again.

"Give him time," she murmured. The last flicker of hope in Squirrelflight died. "I'm sorry."

* * *

As her life was ripped apart, Squirrelflight struggled for someone to blame. So she found herself staring down the brown and white she-cat. Ginger limbs were splayed out beneath her. Because she had to be the source of her problems.

"Hold on sister," the she-cat's attempt to placate Squirrelflight were foolish. Useless even. The ginger tabby knew now that it was her fault. Every last piece of it all wound down to Leafpool. Because none of this would of happened if she had just stayed away from the WindClan tom. "You can't just toss around blame."

"I'm not," the she-cat's voice came out a deadly hiss. But as she stared at the former medicine cat nothing changed on her sister's face. The hauntingly calm expression stayed and her amber eyes gave away nothing as she held Squirrelflight's green gaze. "I know its your fault now!" Anger boiled through her as the warrior sunk her claws into the ground. "You're the reason I have nothing!" Leafpool only blinked and the ginger she-cat fought the urge to shriek.

"And what do you think I was left with, Squirrelflight?" The she-cat's cold tone cut through the ginger's anger. Deflating her instantly and leaving her drenched in guilt. As if her emotions weren't already fighting inside of her. Leafpool sighed, stepping forward to place her muzzle against her sisters.

"I'm sorry," she choked out and Leafpool nodded.

"I know."

* * *

She didn't dream much anymore. Whether that had anything to do with the state of her life, Squirrelflight wasn't sure. But she knew she no longer hunted mice in her dreams. And she certainly never dreamt of the dark tabby warrior.

"Squirrelflight," the voice called into the darkness. She scowled because it wasn't as if she could pretend to be asleep. Not any more seeing as many of her denotes had already noticed her. "Come one Squirrelflight!" The voice called again, "we're going on the dawn patrol." The old deputy's voice was obnoxiously loud in the subdued den. The few of her clanmates left stifled groans at the harsh wake up call.

"Honestly, Graystripe" the she-cat muttered but the long haired tom payed her no mind. He was already gone by the time she blinked sleep from her eyes. And in the grey tabby's place stood Brightheart. The she-cat smiled and motioned to the group of cats near the camp entrance with a nod of her head. A quick gaze in that direction made the she-cat's body tense.

"You finally got her up!" Whitewing's laugh sounded throughout camp. The white she-cat had twisted her head around to stare at Squirrelflight. Brambleclaw smiled, following Whitewing's gaze. But when he caught sight of her his smile dropped and he turned away from her ginger pelt. It didn't go unnoticed to the warrior just how close the white she-cat stood next to tom.

Orange and white fur melded with ginger as Brightheart stepped towards Squirrelflight. The ginger warrior gave her a small nod and stepped forward. The older warrior's reassurance was enough for now. She gave the group a small smile but said nothing. And an uneasy silence fell over the group until Graystripe stepped forward. Flicking his tail, the long haired warrior bounded out of camp. Three sets of paws following shortly after.

And as the group slowed, Whitewing ducked away. Stalking the scent of squirrel into the undergrowth. It took Squirrelflight a moment to realize that it wasn't only the white she-cat that was missing. Whitewing's mother had slipped from the group.

With a flick of his tail, Graystripe slunk off into the trees. Suddenly fully aware of the quiet, Squirrelflight stiffened. Chancing a glance at the tom, amber eyes met green ones and his name slipped from her lips.

"Brambleclaw?" He dropped her gaze immediately. And the tabby's face twisted in confusion. "I think we should-"

"I don't want to talk, Squirrelflight."

"I know but-,"

"Squirrelflight!" He rounded on her, "I want to hunt." Shock pounded through her as she gaped at him. Yet there was no anger in his gaze. Only what appeared to be sadness.

"Can you forgive me?" Her voice was barely audible, gazing up into his amber eyes. The question was not her original but it snuck out. He turned his head, dropping her gaze as if it hurt. She was stung. Bitting back the sob rising in her throat, she knew he couldn't see the weak cat he had made her.

"I'm sorry," he started and Squirrelflight's eyes widened in dismay. "I can't." And unexpectedly her world came crashing down around her. A sudden wave of dizziness washed through her and she was finding it hard to stand. Her jaw hung open as her brain worked in a dizzying rush to process the words that hung around her head.

"Brambleclaw!" A squeal snatched the tabby warrior's attention from her. "It's a fox!" Squirrelflight recognized the fear in Whitewing's tone all to clearly. Yet she couldn't bring herself to move. Brambleclaw, on the other hand, was already gone from his position in front of her. He was racing to her aid. A growl rumbled out from Squirrelflight as she let her claws latch into the ground. Chunks of mud were ripped out beneath her as she raced towards the sounds of a battle.

Her clanmates whipped around her. Graystripe was yowling and striking out with a powerful forepaw. Brightheart struggled to keep the angry fox on her good side and land a couple hits on the beast. Whitewing had worked her way to the back of the fox, clawing at its haunches. And the dark tabby tom stood in front of it, anger contorting his amber eyes. He looked powerful as if nothing could touch him. He screeched at the animal and the fox turned it's beady eyes on him and hissed.

"Brambleclaw!" Whitewing's warning fell on deaf ears. The tabby hurled himself forward as the fox threw out a paw. The pair connected with a sickening sound.

And for all the deaths she had witnessed, his was the worst. Time slowed as the animal's strike flung the dark tabby tom to the side. And when Brambleclaw landed his body was limp and twisted. He had none of the grace that he had in life and it seemed as if the tabby tom had shrunk. He looked vulnerable. The ginger she-cat simply stared, listening to the sound of her breath and not the yowls of war and pain from her clanmates.

"Brambleclaw?" She stepped forward towards his lifeless body. "Brambleclaw!" Squirrelflight screeched flinging herself towards him. Pushing her nose into his tabby fur, she shuddered when she found it cold. It struck her that the body before her held no life in it. Yet her brain just couldn't connect those two things together. Brambleclaw, dead?

Teeth sunk into her scruff and the she-cat looked wildly around. White and orange fur appeared in her line of sight as Brightheart heaved the ginger cat away.

"Get help," the elder warrior hissed. Her good eye staring her down until Squirrelflight nodded. Turning tail, the she-cat ran and Brightheart wasted no time jumping back into the fight. Long ginger limbs sent her towards her home as the sounds of the battle faded. It would dawn on her later that three warriors was enough to chase out a fox. But as she ran only his last words haunted her mind.

_I'm sorry, I can't._


End file.
